Bruce Wayne

Now and again, even the sturdiest buttress can succumb to the weight it bears and crumble. Today is one of those days. Sometimes I find myself with no stronger desire than to see my hopes for love and happiness for my mother and father come to fruition, but other times I feel as though I am unfairly burdened with the intricate details of my parents’ deteriorating marriage and that, as the oldest sibling, I have some unspoken obligation to help them work out their differences. I suppose that’s how I stumbled upon my ambition to be a marriage and family counselor.

The truth of the matter is, I’m starting to doubt that they even want for themselves what my siblings and I want for them: the joy of being in an emotionally fulfilling relationship. For nearly 20 years, they’ve tried everything that they’ve known to make the relationship “work” and for nearly 20 years I’ve seen the results culminate into the same sorry state of affairs as the time before. Isn’t there some kind of idiom that says if whatever you’re doing isn’t working to change what you’re doing? Obviously, whatever they are trying just isn’t as effective as they think it is, so shouldn’t they try something different?

Oh and I am SO FUCKING TIRED of hearing that “in the Philippines we don’t get help with our marriage problems,” because 1. You are NOT in the Philippines anymore and 2. Is the love of your life not worth going outside of your comfort zone and taking a chance? When people come here from the Philippines and leave behind the only life they’ve ever known it is usually because they are seeking a better life with more options than they previously had. Off that principle alone my parents should be taking advantage of all forms of assistance, be they familiar or not. Also, if there was still love between them then they should be nurturing it, not burying it under their unaddressed frustrations and communication catastrophes.

I’ve tried to tell them that their problems have a ripple effect on us, their children, and even that isn’t a strong enough motivator to at least attempt to do something different. We’ve tried to suggest seeing a priest, different ways to communicate, different ways to perceive their situation, and still our desperate requests falls on deaf ears. If we are so wrong about therapists then just go see one and PROVE US WRONG. Not to mention, their refusal to see a therapist is an ironic mockery of my personal career choice.

We grow weary of trying to hold our parents’ increasingly polar relationship together. Even more so, I’m growing tired of trying to play referee to their constant tussles. Why should I wish happiness for two people who don’t seem to want it for themselves? What more can I do or say that will push them in ANY other direction than the one that they’ve been going in for two decades? Where am I going to find the energy to sustain the effort to keep them together?

There are rare, staccato’d moments when they still seem genuinely in love but those moments are too often clouded by the tumultuous quarreling and unceasing frustration. What am I to do? Am I ever going to heal the first married couple that I’ve ever tried to counsel? I’m starting to feel like I’m going to become Bruce Wayne – since he couldn’t save his parents; he made huge personal sacrifices and spent his entire life trying to make up for it. That isn’t a price that I’m sure I’m willing to pay…. Not even for my parents.